Saturday, 25 December 2010

Je juste ne pourrais pas laisser aller


I tried in vain to save myself from the tears, I tried in vain to spare myself from the thoughts of you but at the end of the day, it was a failure because you're on my mind every second of my life even if I tried forgetting you. You've become the reason why I cry every single night to sleep, you've become the reason why I am angry myself for believing that everything was nothing but a dream, you've become the reason why my heart is aching...I miss you, I really do but I can no longer say that to you because to you I'm nothing but a silly fool who you fell in love and fell out of love.

You thought by letting me go by a message would spare me the torment, however, never did you realize that I was actually suffering a greater pain due to the fact you're unable to shadow your cowardice in facing me to explain why exactly why you're leaving me. Am I a sting to your eyes or am I a poison to your breath?? I really wish to know right now. Yes I do not know aplenty of things because you've been hiding it from me, you're not willing to tell me just because you think you're sparing a thought for my feelings but actually you're not. You're not willing to trust me, you're not willing to spare me the truth so that I could fight those battles with you and never let you deal with it alone. You've never really loved me...that's all I feel right now...

Now I wish I could drag myself out of this melancholy bullshit crap~ because I'm really sick and tired of trying all my might to get things right between you and I. Spare the grievance as I have had enough of it with you. You are lingering through my thoughts, you're lingering here with your presence and it is killing me dearly. You'll never understand, you'll never know why I'm crying...you'll never understand, you'll never know why I'm screaming in my dreams and waking up in tears all the time from all the nightmares. You'll never understand, you'll never know how much you mean to me because you never asked and never have felt it with your heart.

I wonder if you'll ever read this...

because all I want to say is that I can't pretend every single day of my life that I'm perfectly fine without you...I'm going out of breath, my heart is aching and my head is pounding. I miss you very much, I love you very much and I just don't know what to do anymore. Ong Jian Zhen, I love you and I know I'm a fool to do so~

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