Unbearable Pain, Unspeakable Sorrows, Uncontrollable Tears

Many days, many hours, many minutes, many seconds; those thoughts are ringing constantly in my head. Those depth of unbearable pain, unspeakable sorrows, uncontrollable tears just can't be measured. Maybe it was time to let all the pain go, maybe it was time to be happy, maybe it was time to shed those tears. All those resentment, all those unwanted responsibilities; I'm done with it. Why am I bearing everything when it has got nothing to do with me in the first place? I wish all problems could be secluded into darkness, hidden away in the corner of a small empty room or box...but no one wishes for me to run away from it, I tried facing it yet it gets worst and worst each day.

I tried smiling, I tried not crying, I tried not to take things seriously but it is of no use. It is just no use, I truly have given up. No point crying, no point hurting...Those chest pains are back, they are excruciating; totally unbearable. Let me fall into a deep trance of sleep...no waking up. Maybe everything would be better that way.

Those Pieces Can't Fit Anymore

It's been 2 weeks and 2 days since we've broken up. I admit I miss you, I admit I still love you very dearly. No matter how much fun I'm getting now, I just don't feel right! No matter how many guys come asking me to be their girlfriend, I'm just not interested. I wish you would ask me back, I wish you would tell me how much I mean to you, I wish you would tell me how much you love me but it will never happen. My tears are rolling down each time I think of you, I tried my best to get drunk; to find someone to replace you so it wouldn't be hurting that much. I'm being cruel to myself, I'm being crazy all over again. I had to smile in front of everyone though I'm hurting badly inside!!!

I miss you so badly, I miss your kisses, I miss your hugs, I miss your teasing, I miss your text messages, I miss seeing you!! I miss having you sleeping beside me! But I can't go back...I'm tired of all the arguments we have, I'm tired of getting jealous about your ex LOVER you used to love most, I'm tired of trying to understand you, I'm tired of playing guessing game! The thing that hurt me the most is that you would rather tell her that you're not feeling well than to tell me!! I can see you're unwell, but you didn't say how bad it was. I was worried, I wish I could care the way she cares about you. I wish you could care about me like how you cared about her!! But it will never happen!! I'm just an object, a burden in your life. I changed, everyone said I've changed...but to you, I'll always be the same!!

4 years ago, you left me after that horrible thing happened. Leaving me in the lurch, leaving me to handle it on my own. Few months back, I went for operation and you left me to go home by myself because you had to go to work! Where were you when I truly need you the most?!? Where were you when I was crying and breaking apart? All you know is to lecture me! Whatever I say or do, I'm always at fault. Whenever I cry, you'll scold me! I'm human!! If SHE cried, you'll be running to her....but when I'm crying, you'll be lecturing me!! YOU STILL LOVE HER :'( &I can't take it anymore!! Do you really know why I left? Do you really know why I can't handle it anymore?!!? SINCE DAY 1 till NOW, you've always messaged her...being in her LIFE!!! I don't want it anymore. She meant a lot to you before, and she means a lot to you now~ I have nothing more to say but GOODBYE :'(

Trouble never seem to cease~

I'm happy with what I have in my life. Feeling so utterly blissful and grateful for the people around me especially my friends and family. I don't want to think too much about what doctor has said or whatsoever. As long as I'm living happily with my boyfriend and family in my life; I'll live my life in the most optimistic manner.

Today, bibi brought me down to have breakfast with me as it's my off day from work. He and I had McDonald's BIG BREAKFAST with MILO :) I'm just a happy girl~ feeling so utterly happy today. Came back to bibi's place; played my computer for awhile before I went back to bed...Woke up and went to buy lunch for bibi. I simply love eating with bibi and watching him sleep; don't even know why. It would just make me smile. I'm thankful for everything bibi, I love you so much. If you hadn't given me a chance, I wouldn't have the chance to be so blissful and feeling all so grateful.